Getting on with the rest of your life after going through ANYTHING is the most important task in moving on!
Something has happened. Full stop. It can’t be changed or undone, it has happened and created some sort of chaos in your life! It can be ANYTHING major! Either to you personally, or to someone else and therefore has a direct result on how you live your life.
It could be an injury, it could be a death, a loss of something important, financial pressure, it could be a shocking realization of something new that is different from something you have believed – forever! Anything that hits you hard, and ‘knocks you for a 6’!
Go Ahead – Grieve For Your Loss
There needs to be a period for the shock to settle on your mind. A period to ‘grieve’ regarding the ‘loss’ to yourself of whatever has created the sudden shock. This is the beginning of a realization that whatever ‘was’, ‘IS NOT’ anymore. I believe there NEEDS to be a period of grieving.
This is a ‘subjective’ perspective to look at the new circumstances from – “This has happened to me, and this is how I feel about it, Oh woe is me!” This helps to make it real, for the realization to hit home, and for one to hit rock bottom and come to terms with the new reality. Coping with the new reality comes later, but first there must be acceptance that this is how it is.
Now here is where the hard part has to begin. It has to come from deep within the mind/soul/heart of the individual. The hardest part of any sort of trauma we face, I believe, is the acceptance that what has happened, has happened and cannot be undone!
Accept What Is Done – Is Done
Only after accepting the traumatic loss that produced your shock, can you begin to move on. I prefer to think of this as moving ‘forward’. Without grieving for what is now gone, reality hasn’t really been faced head on. Once reality is accepted, there is no room for any question as to ‘if only this were to happen’, or ‘I was somewhere else or had something else, THEN things would be different!’
So now one is aware of the new reality, and the changes in life that are a result of it. Now is the time to become objective rather than subjective, and to look in on the situation as though from the outside of it. I think of it as; looking in like a fly does from up on the wall. The fly isn’t entangled in feelings, or restrictions, it can simply see what is going on.
Objectivity vs Subjectivity
Objectivity can see what needs to be done without being overwhelmed by circumstances, or emotions. Like an object (the apple, the jar) would see things – singular, defined, completely on its own, kind of detached from everything around it.
Subjectivity is from the position of being the ‘subject’, feeling, thinking, and directly affected by all. ‘I’ am the subject, ‘I’ feel this, ‘I’ think that, and ‘I’ am affected by everything around me.
Objectivity sees the new problem caused by the new reality with the loss of ‘whatever’. Rather than thinking, “Oh no! Woe is me! How on earth can I cope with no ‘whatever’ in order to overcome this problem?!?”, Objectivity looks in and sees it differently. Objectivity sees that ‘Yes, indeed – there is a problem.’ But from the position outside of the situation, Objectivity can also see the required outcome. See the limitations, and therefore see what needs to be achieved in order to reach the desired result. Objectivity just shrugs, and isn’t affected at all.
By looking in from the perspective of not feeling limited or restricted, it is more able to see what needs to be accomplished, and come up with a way to get things done.
With the mind all caught up in, ‘I can’t do this’, ‘I don’t have that’, there is too much emphasis on the negative aspects, and positivity is not going to get a foot in the door.
Getting on with the rest of your life begins with the acceptance of the ‘new reality’, and an ability to be objective rather than subjective. It is time to move on. What’s done is done! Start getting on with the rest of what life has to offer you! Life goes on with or without you! It will pass you by unless you reach out from where you have been tossed, grab a hold of something that is moving in the right direction, AND DON’T LET GO!